May 24, 2018
You know I usually have a plan of what to write, but this just hit me while I was watching TV tonight and so I had jumped up and started writing. It’s something a lot of us suffer from and I’ll be honest, I suffer from it everyday. That shitty voice in your head that makes you feel inadequate that we all know so well. I let her win more then not.
Ugly Betty. Horrible Wench. Hater. <—My names for said ugly voice.
Did you know a woman has on average 25k-50k thoughts per day. That blows my mind the amount of thoughts that runs through your mind on the daily. Now if I’m being honest with myself, I would say a lot of those thoughts are negative.
But not in a mean girl type of way, I’m very kind towards other people. The mean girl is towards me. If I were to count how many times a day I tell myself I’m overweight, it would actually be quite alarming. Or how many times a day I second guess what I’ve said to someone, because I’m always trying to check my impulsive mouth.
Can you imagine how easy it is to train yourself in one direction or the other? If your telling yourself negative thoughts even 50% of the time…that’s up to 25 thousand negative things you’ve said to yourself in a day.
Twenty five t h o u s a n d.
And the other day as I was sitting on my couch watching my favorite “I’ve had a bad day” movie, Under the Tuscan Sun, something dawned on me. I had been beating myself up relentlessly for the past few days for a multitude of different things that had happened and I actually let myself believe I was less than. I had unknowingly fallen into a trap of listening to the negative voices in my head, and let me tell you…they were winning.
You know what else I’m really good at? Deflecting. It actually annoys my husband. Here’s some very common deflection convos I have:
Them: Your kids are soooo cute!
Me: Oh thank you, they are crazy and the little one is a handful the oldest one I’m worried about when she gets older.
Them: Your so pretty!
Me: Oh thank you, but I could stand to lose some weight.
Them: You should think about interior designing, your really good at it!
Me: Thanks! I have no idea what I’m doing though!
The truth is, when I finish a thank with something negative I feel like I’m be humble. Because I don’t have any positive voices going on in those 25k thoughts, that affirm it’s ok to just say thank you.
But there’s a silver lining and this is where I’m armed with the knowledge. Because when you know better you do better right?
You can actually change those voices in your head.
For one, stop over generalizing. I’m really good at this! One bad thing happens for like 30 minutes and then the entire day all I can think about is that thing.
For example: I have a tense interaction with somebody and we just don’t vibe. I over generalize and think “Oh it’s all my fault, I’m just so socially awkward and not good at talking to people” When realistically, that’s not true at all…they just aren’t my person and vice versa.
The problem with over generalizing is you keep telling yourself these falsehoods and then you become them.
Because it’s really true what you speak into the universe becomes your reality.
Which brings me to my next point of change.
Speaking positive affirmations. Did you know even if your in a bad mood if you just start smiling, you’ll feel better. It’s the same for what you tell yourself. If you continue to talk about how awesome you are, and capable, and how much you love doing something you really don’t….you actually start to believe it. It becomes your reality. Talk about cheap therapy!
Lastly but probably most importantly…simply being aware. Don’t get lost in your negativity and instead, recognize it as a blip in your day. Move on. Learn, adjust your voice in your head and proceed with your life. It’s not to say we don’t make mistakes, but only that they shouldn’t take over our mind.
Really do you want your mind to be run by a bunch of assholes or would you rather it be run by grace filled, bad ass besties, who constantly remind you that you are amazing? I mean when I had my self doubt recognition moment, I literally told myself “Not today”.
When I think of people, I see this light source that is given special gifts by God. Little beams of light sources walking around everywhere, most unaware what they are capable of. Because of all the negative voices who tell them they aren’t capable. I believe that self doubt inside of you blocks you from the very special gifts that you were born onto this earth to do. Your most important work.
So let’s review:
Tonight I feel so much clearer after finally becoming aware of the mean girl that was clouding over me the past few days. Telling me I wasn’t talented enough, social enough, knowledgable enough, skinny enough.
I know that God wants to open doors for me I haven’t even thought possible and he’s doing his job, I just need to do my job of believing in myself first.
Let me know…do you have self doubt and how do you overcome it?